Friday Five

1. I dyed my hair back to brown. NOt really my natural hair colour, but a warm chocolate brown, perfect for fall. So… no more vibrant red highlights at this point. Maybe again though.

2. I am back to normal. Meaning, I got my period today for the first time in nearly a year and a half. MAN, that was something I could have done without for a while longer.

3. I ate a teenburger for lunch today. I cannot even remember the last time I ate that crap, and as a result, I can still feel it sitting there, bulging in my stomach.

4. I finally settled on a cushion cut diamond. And, its conflict-free, which is good for humanity. But, it makes me feel like a bit of a spoiled brat.

5. I was sad this morning, when I saw the sunshine, because I love rainy days the most.

There you go, five true facts about me, today.

I have reccently become aware of the vast array of visitors this blog gets. Makes sence right? Its the world wide web. More people than I can control visit this site. And I know this based on my blog stats, kind of.
The problem is, that you never know EVERYONE that comes here.

And I feel the need to express my appologies to any person who feels hurt by anything I say here. I mean no ill will. This is catharsis. It is freedom. It is mine.  Its the only thing I get completely for me.

But I never meant to hurt you. Truly. Even though our lives are no longer connected, I would never wish things badly for you, or try to hurt you, or your character. I admire you, throughout our entanglements, and wish you very very well.  Im sorry for disrespecting any part of you.

And to anyone who reads this blog, please take into consideration that there are many sides to a story, many faccets, and this is just mine. Sometimes it may be biased. Sometimes there may be peices that I dont know about that are missing. Take it at face value, but know that, as in life, there is always more.

This is just my story.  Everyone has one.  

::Comments are closed::

Earn your bad mommy award today!

Bonus: After shes had her way with it, you can throw it away recycle it, guilt free!

Six Months.

Madelyn Olivia,

Six months ago today, you took your first breath, and we met face to face, for the first time.
My pregnancy with you was up and down. I loved feeling you move, and kick your feet, and twist your head about.  I hated feeling like you could slip out at any moment for the entire last month. Yes, you were that low.
One evening, weeks before you joined our life out here, we sat in the car and I was pushing back on my belly, feeling your thrust your legs out in response.  You kicked one foot straight out, up so high, just below my ribs. And I held it, I held the whole of your tiny unborn foot. And it made my heart race, feeling you, knowing you felt me too. You pulled it back as soon as I freed it, and it never happened again, but I havent forgotten that moment. As a matter of fact, I think of it quite often when I kiss your feet, and nibble your sweet toes. How much bigger they are now. How much bigger they will get.

All of you has grown. I am amazed, constantly, by how much you grow and change. Each day I look at pictures and gasp at your striking changes. You are getting so big, becoming so smart, growing up before my eyes.

Six months has brought such difference. You can sit, by yourself, steady and strong. You are proud. You can sing and babble with octives changing each day. High, and low, and raspy and beautiful. You can reach and grab and bring every thing and anything to your sweet mouth. Chewing and tasting and curiously exploring.
YOu have found your toes, and love them just as much as your fingers, to eat and to wave about while singing at me. You have grown two beautiful white and perfect teeth, and you show them to me all the time, with your big smiles, and when you gratefully gnaw my fingers. You fall asleep suddenly and soundly on your Daddy, and never fail to make me laugh, each time you do, as youve almost always just refused a nap.  You have mastered the most serious and pensive looks, while you contemplate new ways to get all three soothers into your mouth, or when I call your name, distracting you from banging your lamb on the floor to make him ‘bah’.  You reach up to my face and run your fingers along it, almost as though you are locking its feel and shape away, somewhere you will always keep it, knowing your mama.
And your smiles. Oh Maddy, your smiles.
When I come to your room when youve sang your awakening, you smile up at me like Im the one person you wanted to see. And the same smile comes to your Daddy, not a moment later. It is a smile that is full of happiness, a face consuming grin. Your smiles, Madelyn, break my heart into a million little pieces.

I was so afraid, when I found out I was going to be a mother. Was I ready? WIll I be horrible? Will my baby be happy? And you have soothed my fears since the moment I laid eyes on you. Sweet baby girl, you have changed me profoundly. I am a better person, and one who would give anything for those beautiful baby smiles you give so freely.

So my sweet miss mouse, here is to our first six months together in this world. Thank you for being the baby I dreamed of, for teaching me how to spend hours sitting on the floor banging toys and tasting reciepts, and for smelling SO. Damn. Good.

Love, Mama.

Auguest 13, goes down in the baby books.

My baby has a tooth. My baby has a tooth. My baby has a tooth.

God. This does pass quickly!

Photodocumentation to follow. As soon as I can pry her mouth open long enough to get my honking camera in there and get a picture. Lets not kid ourselves, I will take twelve. And then switch angles to get twelve more.

But seriously, my kid has a freaking tooth. She grew it herself, chewed and chewed until it finally came up. She did that! And now… now she gets to do it all over again and again.

__

We’re off to one of the three weddings we got invited to this Saturday (seriously, popular day considering its not even a long weekend).

Until then.

A couple changes

There are going to be a couple of things changing in the next little while, the first, maybe you noticed, maybe you didnt, is the header. Its no longer ‘Life is Just a chance to grow a soul’. I named the site that when I first started it, over a year ago, because I wanted to write kind of an online journal for Madelyn. But its obviously changed quite a bit since then. I started blogging more about myself and our daily life, than just her, or for her.

So its now called ‘Like the Reef’… which maybe is weird to you? I had a myspace, and a livejournal  before this, both with that name. The reason?

My name is Coral.
Carol?
No, Coral, you know like the reef.

Times a million, for how many times Ive had THAT conversation.

So this is the blogs new name.

Second, the actual address, will soon be likethereef.com. Soon.  I guess, as soon as I can justify spending money on a domain for a blog that obviously makes me no money.
Soon. Hold your horses on that one, I will let you know.

Little Voice

I spent the afternoon over at my mom’s new place. I love going to my mother’s house for two reasons; one – its impecibally clean, decorated in a calm blue and white and silver just-came-home-from-the-beach-and-threw-it-on-the-walls type theme, and gives me hope for my future, since half my genes lie in her, and two – because she plays with Madelyn ALL. AFTERNOON. LONG. So the moments that I feel like a failure for not picking her up and trucking her around with me all when we’ve already played exersaucer, and tummy time, and practicing sitting up, and peek-a-boo, and look outside at all the flowers, and, and, and (you get the picture), my mom comes and scoops her up and SHE does all the Maddy games. And I sit on the couch. And drink a cup of coffe. And just exist.

Anyways, thats not the point of this blog.

On the way home, to meet my man friend, I was listening to my current lust cd. I have a major heart-on for Sarah Bareilles. Shes like, this syrupy sweet jazz pop that I am totally having a dirty little affair on Radiohead with. Shhh, dont tell.
Anyways, I was vaguely paying attention to the drive home and disappearing into the heartsick ‘Between the Lines’ (track seven). I have this habit, and it means no ill will on my wonderful life, of pretending Im someone else when I am listening to some songs. Losing myself in the lyrics, or the idea behind the song and imaging its me writing this song, singing it *and oh yes, I sing it in my car. Alone* and that some boy done gone and did me wrong.  I make believe Im in a movie. This is the part where our heroine has finally figured it out, and dropped that lousy man she was stuck with for so many years, and  shes driving down the highway in a beat up chevy with the windows all down in like, Alabama or something. And shes so happy to finally be free and looking forward to the begining of my new life, because I love movies with new beginings, and shes singing, and shes laughing. And the music is playing, and everyone in the theatre is feeling warm fuzzies, and so proud of our little heroine learning and growing up all by herself.
And then I heard Madelyn making weird noises from her carseat, pulling me out of my mind-movie. So I turned the music down to see if she was crying, or choking, or God knows. And I start to smile so big I know I look crazy to the man in the Subaru next to me. Because my sweet beautiful baby girl? Shes singing with her raspy little new voice, cooing away happily.

And I found myself wondering what the movie that is playing out right now in her little brain is like.

Summer time and the living’s easy

Well, we made it. Our first summer holidays with le babe, and we have acheived sucess.

We got home late Sunday night and slept in our own beds for the first time in nearly two weeks and it was bliss. I didnt realize just HOW much I love my bed. Prrr.

So, Pemberton? Fucking. Kick. Ass.

I know there have been some iffy reviews about the organization etc, and yes, there were some snaffus. Like, porta potties? Need to be emptied EVERY. DAY. ANd they should grow more grass, to avoid the dust. Which was really only bad on one day, but still, it made my boogers black. Ew.
But there was everything and anything in terms of food to choose from, like even Vegan. Tres yum.
Oh, and the little side issue of the music. Right. I saw so many bands that I have wanted to see for SO LONG. My fucking five month old child saw Tom Petty and NIN. Hello? Thats dope.

What else. Coldplay put on an amazing show, even coming into the crowd for part of it. ( I dont care if you dont like Coldplay, give them credit for being true to form live) Although they didnt play Green Eyes, and because my eyes are green, it is my favorite. The Hip, obviously was amazing. Flaming Lips? They had a giant bubble with a man in it rolling around on the crowd, and teletubbies. I missed most of Wintersleep because N.E.R.D was nearly and hour late and wouldnt get off stage, although, to be honest, I watched them and they were suprizingly good. Im not really a hip hop fan, but both them and Jay Z were really cool to watch, they really get the crowd pumped which is a big part of the appeal of festival shows for me. Interpol was good, but I wasnt blown away like I hoped to be. And we left the Deathcab show half way through, which was kinda lame, but they were just so…. blah. NIN was a band I had ALWAYS wanted to see live, and Im so glad I finally did. And Tom Petty is just Tom Petty, you cant say anything bad about seeing him live, youre a lucky cat if you get to. Although, as Jer’s boss pointed out, he isnt reaching those high notes anymore.

I am really bummed that I didnt get to see Danger Mou5 and but it wasnt worth the crowds for me to venture into the Bacardi Tent for.

But man, Jeremy and I decided that if it was a possibility, we should move to Pemberton.
It was beautiful. Its like, the little town that the big city dreams up. Twenty minutes from Whistler, adorable and full of niche stores. We decided to would grow basil and start up a company called ‘BC Herbs’ and live in the mountains. I mean, look at this…

My favorite moments of the whole weekend?

The crowd singing ‘Lights will guide you home’ in Fix you at the end of Coldplay, but lets face it, Im the girl that cries when something like music intertwines humanity into a chorous of feeling, that shit affects me.

The dude and chick mud wrestling in the giant mudpit that developed IN. FRONT. OF. THE. PORTAPOTTIES. Dudes? That wasnt just mud. Ew.

Madelyn falling asleep so soundly in my arms in the middle of NIN.

Madelyn falling asleep during EVERY headliner, with her little headphoned head drooping on my shoulder.

Having a puff down with Tindy and Katie G amidst the tents and hearing a faint ‘Dont do that where all the security can see you’ from the staff area. Oh, right.

I just totally fucking cranked that chick, man. – Drunk nineteen year old OVER and OVER.

E News talking to us and taking pictures, which were apparently on tv, but we missed it, lame.

The Hip. Just their whole set.

Jer dancing with Mad during N.E.R.D.

Walking right past the lined up portapotties, into the media tents and using clean flush toilets. Ahh.

Leaving every night to go back to our hotel and have a shower.

So yeah, next year? I will go again. And if it continues for years to come, I am happy the Maddy will be able to say she was at the very first one, I thinks thats really cool. In fact, most of the people that passed us, or came up and talked to us told us how awesome it was that we brought her. There was only one girl who, while drunkenly falling over her friend, slurred ‘Oooooh mah Gawd, I cant belief you would bringyerbaaaaaaaaaaby to thisssshow. ‘ I thanked her for her enlightening parenting advice and told her to carry on being seventeen and loving life.  We saw about five other babies (almost all wearing headphones too), and a bunch of kids, but I had expected more. Maybe because we saw so many at Bumbershoot last year. But whatever, I would totally do it again.

Madelyn will grow up with music, around it, and in it. It will be a big part of her life, because it is in bother her fathers and my life.  So yeah, Im happy we took her.

The rest of our holiday we went camping up at Shuswap with Jeremy’s parents and Maddy met her Great Grandparents.  She went swimming in Shuswap Lake for the first time, and we were able to get four generations in a picture, how cliche of us, I know.

Then we journeyed down to Kelowna and visited with my Dad and her lady friend and my new little brother. Madelyn happily test drove all his toys for him, and had her first boat ride.

And then Jeremy and I decided, that yes, Pemberton was awesome, but its Kelowna that we could really see ourselves living. The lake. Prrrrr. So nice, our life could be.

I mean, come one man.

And then got back in the jeep and drove home. We spent a night at Jer’s parents place and drove down to the West End and had Vera Burgers and cupcakes. We watched the Pride parade and walked around Stanley park. And I realized that I could never leave the West Coast. This place is amazing.

Those kids running in the ocean, sand and froth and sun on their skin? I want that for her. I want my daughter to grow up by the ocean. Sure, we can hop in the car and drive to the mountains, and the lakes this province has to offer, we can see concerts and love the places we go. But we are the West Coast. Its in my skin and my blood, this place. And I want that for her.
I want her to grow up experiencing different lifestyles, and knowing that they are all right and good. I want her to see the places where the forest stretches out onto the sand and into the ocean. And I want her to eat sugary cupcakes in the sunshine.