London calling

Im back, Im back! Ive actually been back over a week now, but have been revelling in cuddles and building towers and cutting tiny finger foods and changing bums.
I liked Paris a lot. But I LOVED London. The first hour we were there I called Jer and told him to start applying for jobs over there, because come hell or high water, or, a bad economy, we were moving to London.
I loved being yelled at by crackwhores in the tube .
I loved the ads for freaking ‘mayo chickens’ everywhere.
I loved the delicious and good for you fast food places. Yes, really.
I loved the free museums. Free. Museums.
I loved the tube.
I loved the buildings actually built on to one another.
I loved the fashion.
I loved the abundance of men (not that I was looking, obviously).
I loved the lack of snobbery.
I loved the pubs.
I loved the all in one shops.
I loved the history.

OMG I love London.

But I didnt love having to call home to hear Jers voice, and not being able to snuggle up on the couch and watch criminal minds.
I didnt love missing Maddys tooth come in and hearing about her crawling around saying “mum mum mum”.
I didnt love having to press my face into the nightgown I brought from her room to try and find the last spot full of her smell.
I didnt love being away from him, and her.

So I was happy to be home, and to hold Jer’s hand and see his face and hand gestures while he told me stories. And to feel Madelyn’s new little snaggle tooth and see her smile so proud. And to press my nose against her neck, and smell her deliciousness direct from the source.
Ahhhh, I love my life.
And its about to change. I go back to work in less than a week. February 2nd. My heart is hurting at the thought. When I was pregnant there were quite a few women I work with who said “You will miss the adult interaction, I bet you wont be able to wait to get back to work” and I scoffed. As if. I couldn’t wait to spend days playing with my little baby girl. And then three months of colic, followed directly by two months of heavy teething, all on top of post partum depression. I started tring to think of ways to go back to work, and let Jeremy just have her. But, then the clouds parted, and I started to enjoy my long and tiring days. I started to enjoy our routines of nap time, and play time, and destructo-rampage time. And I didnt want to go back to work. I started trying to think of ways to adjust our lifestyle so I could stay home with her until she was school aged.
But its not a reality…
Not with a wedding seven months away.
Not with a $1600 mortgage payment due every month.
Not with the cost of diapers.
Not with my addiction to starbucks.
And certainly not after that little trip to London. Because Im going back, and this time Im bringing her (and Jer) with me. Maybe permenently.

I shall post pictures soon. But right now? Its totally time to build some towers for destructo-rampage time.

2008…out

Hello again blogosphere.
Ive been on hiatus, self-imposed and self-enforced. I needed to take December to be with my family, focus on my life and ignore the interwebs for a bit. I am happy to report that as a result I feel awesome. AWE-SOME.
And just in time for the New Year.

I have noticed a lot of 2008 reviews, some good, some bad. I cant deny that this past year has been one of, if not the biggest years in my life.

January
Jer and I had a huge and way to expensive dinner for New Years 2008 and then rang it in with the famous Ryan Rae’s amazing deep fried turkey at a house party. I left work early for my year of mat leave, and spent nearly a month fully efaced and three centimetres dialated waiting for that baby to JUST. GET. OUT.  I turned 25, and felt old for the first time although we splurged again on a fancy dancy meal out (justified by our upcoming ball and chain). I found out my Dad was having a baby, which resulted in a few months of us not speaking. If you knew our relationship, you might understand why.

February
Jer made me a steak and lobster Valentines feast, and I think it was the first time I actually celebrated the day. We went to the keg with James and Holly, and indigestion that night turned out to be the beginings of labour. Madelyn Olivia Baker was born at 1:08 pm on February 24. I was humbled. She was perfect and small and a mirror image of Jeremy. I learned how to breast feed, how to bathe a wiggly slippery baby and that sleep is something to be cherished.

March
We spent most of March hidden in our condo, or looking for a new one with our superstar realtor Sherrie. Madelyn was featured on the news.  I took to bawling my eyes out when anything happened. ANYTHING. I had a job interview when Mad was ten days old, and I was a leaking, crying, swollen mess. I did not get the job.

April
We made an offer, and became the proud owners of our very first home, if having a baby didnt do it, this definately made us feel like we had finally arrived at adulthood. Dan and Janet came to visit and spoiled Madelyn. I realized in April that I was suffering from post-partum depression, and it was a startling but comforting understanding because although it was scarey, at least I knew now that I was not crazy and losing my mind.

May
We left Madelyn with my mom and flew down to Vegas for Natalie and Tylers wedding, and I began a love affair with the city. We met Matthew Gray Gubler in Caesers palace and I tried not to barf on him out of excitement. We moved into our new home and ripped the shit out of it. Sweating and screaming and kicking is worth it somehow when its for something you own. I saw REM and the National live in Deer Lake. Madelyn developed a disdain for her carseat. My little brother was born. My father and I took big steps in repairing our relationship.

June
I got the job. That one I interviewed for ten days after Mad was born, yeah they called and offered it to me.
Alix got home from London. It was nice to have her back, I had missed her so SO much.

July
Madelyn started to refuse breastfeeding, and so to save my sanity, and Jeremys, we weaned and started her on formula. I felt so SO guilty for that. I still do. Mad tried her hand at swimming for the first time in my sisters pool. A true water baby was born. The three of us packed up and went to Pemberton for the music festival followed by a baby tour.Maddy sat on her own.

August
After Pemberton we drove through to Shuswap and camped for a few days with Jeremys parents and Matt and Andrea. Mad met her Great Grandparents and a bunch of Great Aunts and Uncles. She camped for the first time and slept like. a. rock. We drove up afterwards to Kelowna to visit my Dad and Roberta and my new brother Riley. We boated and dined vegan-style and somewhere along our adventures my wallet went awol. Allie and Caitlin got back from London. Maddy got her first tooth August 13, and her second the very next day. She also learned to crawl.

September
Jer asked me to marry him. Its official. We put a deposit down at Olympic View and picked our colours. Jers cousin Janica and her husband Jared had a baby boy named Deagan. I finally started to wake up feeling like myself.

October
Madelyn was a penguin for Halloween. Jeremy decided to run for Esquimalt town council. Madelyn got her first cold. I felt like a veil was lifted, corny as it sounds. I felt… good. It was nice to come out of the fog I felt like I was in for most of 2008.

November
MOvember. Jer ran and won both the lamest mo, and the best. Hillarious. Madelyn took her coos and gahs to a whole new level. She jibber jabbers all the time. Her little voice is husky and low, and absolutely beautiful. She started mimicking our sounds, the way words come out and the ebb and flow of conversation. Ah dah dah bah pssssssssssh dad mam mam mam. Ah hah hah hah. Talk and laugh. Talk and laugh. Jer and I decided to cancel the wedding. We called the golf club and luckily got our deposit back. We had let the wedding plans get carried away and turned it into some sort of fluffy frosted monster. Not us at all. We replanned a beach wedding and a backyard bbq reception, which is so much more our taste.

December
We had a white Christmas, in fact, I think most of North America did. Madelyn celebrated her first Christmas surrounded by both sides of her family and was spoiled. She loved the tree, and proceeded to demolish SEVEN ornaments I have had since I was a child. I got on and buttoned my old jeans. My pre-pregnancy siz 26 waist jeans. Theres a nice little muffin top as a result, but the point here is that I GOT THEM ON AND DONE UP! I booked a trip to Paris and London with Alix. Yes, no Jer or Mad. Im all sorts of nervous to leave them, but excited to, because this will be such a send off before I go back to work.

And here we are. Im about to go put some clothes on and go for an early dinner with my family. 2008 was a year. It was incredibly good and it was one of the hardest, emotionally, that I have ever experienced. I wouldnt change it. Well, maybe I would exersise a bit more, and eat a bit healthier… but thats what youre supposed to say, right?

So, so long 2008, thank you for bringing Madelyn to me, and strengthening my relationship with Jeremy. I can only look to 2009 with optismism today. In the words of Wille Nelson, It was a very good year.

Felis Navidad

This was our first Christmas as a family, and Madelyn’s first as a human.

I hope yours was as full and wonderful as ours was.

xoxo