That will be the begining

16 04 2009

So… there’s a lot of talk going on at the Crawford-Baker homestead lately. Jer is going back to school. He’s been planning on doing this, well, talking about doing this, for years. Im glad he’s finally decided to go ahead and take the plunge. But its got me thinking. I know I want to go back to school. I know I want to get a degree. And a masters. And maybe even a PhD. So… maybe now is the time?
I started looking at courses on Human Resources. My Dad and step-mom are both in HR and I’ve long thought that sort of job would be fitting for me.
Im a people person. I like to help. I need a career that I can help people in. I need to feel satisfied.
We were driving home from the ferry Monday morning, listening to the cbc, as civilized folks often do, when a segment called ‘the hurried child’ came on. They had a psychologist sitting in talking about parents pushing their kids before they’re ready and the effects on socialization and esteem. I thought, God, what a perfect job. You get to help, you get to be with people, and you cannot leave that job without feeling some satisfaction in what you are doing.
Anyways, long story short, I started thinking about what it would take to become a psychologist. The answer: a lot of school. Obviously.
Part of my Dad’s job is helping people in their careers: finding the right path suited to their goals and their personality. He sent me an assessment and then we sat down and went over the results, and looked at fitting career paths for me. Second from the top was a psychologist. So I started thinking. And I started looking around at schools, and my options.
So… now Im debating between a couple of schools, and a couple of routes.
Do I quit my job, and go back to school full time? Try and condense my Bachelor of Arts – Psych into two years instead of four, so I can get on to my masters asap. And then work, and then after a couple practical working years, look at getting my PhD. I will accrue a lot of debt in student loans, and we will be living a much more modest lifestyle for the next few years.
Do I start taking all my courses correspondence, while still working full time, and crawl along to the finish line in the full four years plus the masters? We will be struggling to pay our bills and tuition, but come out the other side debt-free.
Do I scrap it and take the Business and HR route? With either student loans, or distance education.

Im so excited but Im freaking right out too. Im 26 years old. Im not going to be done until Im 30, at the earliest. As Jeremy has pointed out, school is not designed for adults with bills and kids and responsibilities. But I would have never thought of this kind of change when I was 18. And maybe age is actually on my side… Would you go see a 25 year old shrink??

The bottom line is this: I want a career I am happy in. I want a career I feel like Im doing something with. I want to be able to provide Maddy with everything and anything she wants (well, within reason and without allowing her to become a spoiled brat). I want th elife that I want. And the only person I know that can make that happen, is me.

So, now… I burry my head in my ipod and lose myself in Bat for Lashes… and I weight the options. And maybe look for some advice…?





April Showers

10 04 2009

I read a lot of blogs, and I guess Im one of those people who kind of hangs out, watching peoples lives unfold from the corners. Im quiet, Im shy. But I think of those women, and their lives often. They are a part of mine.
One of the women, who’s blog I read regularily, and whos baby girl and mine share a name, has been heavily featured on EVERY blog I read. Her little girl passed away. At 17 months. No parent should ever feel what she and her husband are undoubtedly feeling today.
Another blogger wrote on how hard it was to explain her relationship with this little baby, and her mom. It is complicated. But we know the women who’s lives we read. We know their babies, and their husbands, and their exes. We know their struggles, and their joys. Theres a connection that is being made around the world that is still so hard to understand.

I know when I read the news yesterday, that I cried, big hard sobs, for that baby. And I know last night I brought my Maddy into our bed and slept with my face pushed against her neck, never wanting to let her go. I know a lot of mothers who held their kids a little tighter, and kissed them a little more. I know we all felt that in our hearts yesterday.

My heart goes out to Heather and Mike, and their families.

Please consider donating to Maddie’s March of Dimes page.

Madeline Alice Spohr.
November 11, 2007 – April 7, 2009.

Rest in peace baby girl.