Six months ago today, you took your first breath, and we met face to face, for the first time.
My pregnancy with you was up and down. I loved feeling you move, and kick your feet, and twist your head about. I hated feeling like you could slip out at any moment for the entire last month. Yes, you were that low.
One evening, weeks before you joined our life out here, we sat in the car and I was pushing back on my belly, feeling your thrust your legs out in response. You kicked one foot straight out, up so high, just below my ribs. And I held it, I held the whole of your tiny unborn foot. And it made my heart race, feeling you, knowing you felt me too. You pulled it back as soon as I freed it, and it never happened again, but I havent forgotten that moment. As a matter of fact, I think of it quite often when I kiss your feet, and nibble your sweet toes. How much bigger they are now. How much bigger they will get.
All of you has grown. I am amazed, constantly, by how much you grow and change. Each day I look at pictures and gasp at your striking changes. You are getting so big, becoming so smart, growing up before my eyes.
Six months has brought such difference. You can sit, by yourself, steady and strong. You are proud. You can sing and babble with octives changing each day. High, and low, and raspy and beautiful. You can reach and grab and bring every thing and anything to your sweet mouth. Chewing and tasting and curiously exploring.
YOu have found your toes, and love them just as much as your fingers, to eat and to wave about while singing at me. You have grown two beautiful white and perfect teeth, and you show them to me all the time, with your big smiles, and when you gratefully gnaw my fingers. You fall asleep suddenly and soundly on your Daddy, and never fail to make me laugh, each time you do, as youve almost always just refused a nap. You have mastered the most serious and pensive looks, while you contemplate new ways to get all three soothers into your mouth, or when I call your name, distracting you from banging your lamb on the floor to make him ‘bah’. You reach up to my face and run your fingers along it, almost as though you are locking its feel and shape away, somewhere you will always keep it, knowing your mama.
And your smiles. Oh Maddy, your smiles.
When I come to your room when youve sang your awakening, you smile up at me like Im the one person you wanted to see. And the same smile comes to your Daddy, not a moment later. It is a smile that is full of happiness, a face consuming grin. Your smiles, Madelyn, break my heart into a million little pieces.
I was so afraid, when I found out I was going to be a mother. Was I ready? WIll I be horrible? Will my baby be happy? And you have soothed my fears since the moment I laid eyes on you. Sweet baby girl, you have changed me profoundly. I am a better person, and one who would give anything for those beautiful baby smiles you give so freely.
So my sweet miss mouse, here is to our first six months together in this world. Thank you for being the baby I dreamed of, for teaching me how to spend hours sitting on the floor banging toys and tasting reciepts, and for smelling SO. Damn. Good.