Airborne.

There is a song I cannot get enough of lately. I sit at my desk, pushing paper, or drive around, or dance with Madelyn, constantly hitting ‘back’ on my ipod to listen one more time. It makes my spine tickle. It starts with a heavy throbbing orchestral whine. It ends the same way too. I love that. I love when a song is crashing into your ears, heavy with rock, and then is intertwined with an achy violin. Oooooh.
Today is my last day at work. In less than an hour I will come out of my branch director’s office, layoff notice in hand, and walk out the door past our horribly annoying security guard for the last time.
The. Last. Time. After four years.
It feels surreal actually. It feels like… Hmm. I can’t explain it, really. Let’s look at it differently.
If this were a movie, as I imagine so many moments in my life to be, there would be music playing as our protagonist picks up the four years in this office she has reduced down to a file room box. There would be a swell of an orchestra wrapping around her shoulders, down her leg and between each finger as she casts a glance around the room which leaves our audience wondering aloud: is she sad? No, she’s happy. Wait, I don’t know… what is she feeling? I can’t tell.
And she walks out the door. She’s hesitant. She’s moving very deliberately, very slowly. Maybe she is just as confused as the audience. She can’t decide what feeling is stronger. She is sad that she is leaving, and she is scared that she in uncertain about her future. But she is exhilarated that maybe, for the first time, she is making the absolute right choice for her. She isn’t picking the safe route, or the easy one. She won’t sit at a desk in a mediocre job surrounded by people who make her feel bad for being one of them. She might actually get the chance to have a fulfilling career; a job she is in love with, and excited about.
That song will be playing in my head when I leave here today and go into the unknown of my life before me. It feels emotional. It feels romantic It feels overwhelming. It feels good. It feels sad. It feels perfect. It feels like it’s the right decision.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Airborne.

  1. i loved this, coral. i was in these exact shoes last july; this feeling will last for a long while. remember when i wrote about cutting the safety net in one of my last posts? this was the feeling, except not so beautifully written. it’s such a huge, scary, awesome change and it brings time to do a lot of thinking and changing.

    this makes me happy … i’m looking forward to this journey ❤

  2. okay first off, you’re back blogging! yaaaaa!

    and second, i’ve never heard someone getting laid off sound so poetic.
    it’s really not your last day at work… more like your first day of your new life.
    the page turns, a new chapter starts.
    i’m excited for your new life adventure!

  3. yerpapa

    You are such an amazing writer – I could feel your words, my dear. Don’t lose this ability – keep the tools sharp and the words flowing.

    It is a gift….

  4. Jen

    Ummmm im a little sad u didn’t include that you were weeping as you passed my cubicle for the last time….

  5. Jen

    OMFG MERMAID GRRL…I can’t live without you at work..I may perishhhhhhhhh SOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

  6. hey, what’s the song lover?

  7. Pingback: Only I Need is to Hear a Song I Know « The Morning After

  8. Mom/Nana/Margot

    I love how you string words together until they become more than words.

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