Repetition.

I said I was going to start again. And then I did. And then I quit again.
And then… I said I was going to start again. And then I did again. And then I quit again.
So now? I’m going to start again all over again.

I’m a stay at home mom again! I love it.
Maddy and I have done essentially nothing since I lost my job, except color, cook, build and read. Its been amazing. I feel like she actually LIKES me again.
I know, that sounds so ‘whoa is me’, but that’s not what I mean by it… Shes a Daddy’s girl, always has been, that’s just a reality. When I went back to work after my year of mat leave it seemed like she almost harbored ill feeling towards me for abandoning her. I only really saw her for a couple hours every day and that was really hard on both of us. But, like I said, shes a Daddy’s girl, and my separation from her only made that stronger, and more apparent. But now? It feels like she is slowly moving back to the middle.
Like last week, when we were downtown trying to find a restaurant to hide from the rain and fill our bellies, she was running as fast as her little legs could carry her, and slipped and cleaned a good half a block with her tiny nose. And she wailed. But the first word out of her wet, bloody little face? ‘Mooooooooooooommy!!’
Or yesterday, when we were reading books before her nap in her bedroom, cuddled on the floor, and she stopped in the middle of ‘Gruffalo’s child’, pushing her sucky to one side (yeah, yeah, she has a soother still, I’m the worst mother in the world, blah, blah, blah – sue me, its comfort, and shes not even two)looked at me and said ‘I laffa Mama’, then kept reading, as if she were simply describing the snake on the page to me. An unprompted ‘I love you’ is usually reserved for Daddy only.
And today. Today she was playing with Nana as I was getting ready to meet Jeremy for a rare child-free lunch, and she stopped what she was doing to run to the door and give me a full body hug and a kiss goodbye, without my requesting it first.
So, I feel like its safe to say she might like me a little more than she did a month ago. Even though I will never be the parent who gives her life savers (pacapers) first thing in the morning, no matter how sweetly she asks. She likes me now. And I don’t mind a bit.

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6 Comments

Filed under baby, life update

6 responses to “Repetition.

  1. Lookit her crazy-curly-beautiful hair. So cute. I’m so happy you’re happy at home (and that she likes you, again)!

  2. Mom/Nana/Margot

    so beautiful

  3. Jen

    Awww I think this lay off biz was a good thing at the end of it all despite the bump road getting here…
    Enjoy her liking you…it will be the only thing that will get you through the asshole stage I am currently enduring with my sprog (16 in a few weeks)….seriously…if I didn’t have imprinted memories of how incredibly cute, sweet and lovely she was in years gone by I would have smothered her to death by now.

  4. I know exactly where you’re coming from. After I went back to work full time and my mom was babysitting sometimes it felt like the girls and I barely knew each other. Eventually I went weekends only and the first year I spent at home as a stay at home mom was really bonding time. And now it’s major bonding time as I realize they are starting their schooling careers in about 9 months! Ack.

    Enjoy this time, it’s magical.

  5. i’m so happy that you’re happy being at home.
    after 2 years of being a housewife, i totally understand the appeal that being at home holds.
    so, if maddy is the daddy’s girl that was totally independent from day one… then maybe the second one will be a momma’s boy that loves to snuggle you all the time. seems only fair 🙂

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